I spent the day with my loved one who was diagnosed with cancer right before I moved home. He has gone through intense radiation and chemotherapy, I was with him for one of those days, the second to the last radiation/chemotherapy days. I could not go to the last treatment because I was starting my new job that week.

We have known each other for 48 years. We have shared wonderful moments over these years, but right now it’s like we are sharing more and more of the in betweens, that we didn’t know. I value this chapter with him, reminiscing of the different stages of our lives, relationships, parenting, work, future, why did we do things the way we did, put life choices.

I remember what he looked like my last day in Seattle to returning to him loosing weight and hair. This part was hard to see, although seeing this made it oh so real. The hard part is feeling helpless, wanting to make him better and knowing I have to leave it in God’s hands and the doctors.

I watch my God Mom and Adopted Mom die from cancer. It is one of the hardest things to experience, to watch a loved one suffer and wither away.

So now I want to help, or should I say be supportive through this process. He doesn’t want to hear, “everything is going to be okay. He said, what if it he isn’t going to be okay, he just wants to deal with things day to day. He does appreciate that I knowing that I love home, pray for him and am here if he needs me.

Yesterday he talked about dying. It took everything for me to not cry, he saw a change on my face, so we talked about it. I told him that it’s hard for me to not know what to say, beyond that I’m praying, I love you and I’m here for whatever way you need me. I told him that don’t know what it’s like, I can’t imagine what his body feels like or wanting to eat but not having the ability to taste and swallow normally. But as he said, it’s his reality and I to have to accept this fact.

We’re honest with each other, and both agreed that from the time he was diagnosis to the timing of my return home was perfect timing, to bring us back together as dear friends living just a few minutes away from each other.

A few weeks ago, a friend passed away in Vegas. She was one of the few people called me on my drive home, checking in me. She passed at home from unexpected cardiac arrest. It was a phone call that, I think that I’m still having to really process. You just don’t think a conversation with someone would be a last conversation you would ever have.

I’m sure we have all experienced the unexpected loss of a loved one, or witnessed someone succumb to an illness that could not be cured.

Those are the moments we say, Tomorrow Is Not Promised.

As I start a new chapter of my life, my circle is extremely small and I spend more time with loved ones and with my girls, family and friends that call me “Susan” not “Lady Flava.” I’m embracing my life and the lives of those who know and love me and I them.

I want to and need to be at my best to be able to show up for the real people in my life.

Time is one of the most important gifts you can give someone. But on top of that, being fully present during that time is the topper. In my opinion we should always strive to have real conversations, allow laughter to flow and the quiet love to be felt.

Tomorrow Is Not Promised

Be good to yourself and take care of yourself, Mind-Body-Spirit. True health comes from taking care of your whole self.

Don’t miss moments where you share a conversation, time and feelings of love.

Don’t live with regrets for yourself and those who really matter to you.

Check your circle and know what role people play and treat them accordingly. This is when you need to be honest with yourself and place people where the belong.

I love hard and am a ride or die chick for those close to me. The reminder is in my face that tomorrow is not promised, so the choice I made to come home is important right now. Now to really focus on my health, is so important and to live my best life with no regrets.

I will be there for my loved one in anyway he needs, and I think he really understands that. He told me that he would do the same for me. We always say I love you, and show affection. I am so grateful to have had this connection with him that we weave in and out of each other’s lives…but always find each other and fall into our bond that never left.

There are no regrets with us…

But Cancer Sucks and I do pray for healing, we have friend dates planned and I want to do them with him…so yes, I pray for healing and to have my time to spend with him. 🙏

Update 9/25/23

The Cancer is GONE. My Peace will be monitored every 3 months for 5 years… He feels Blessed and I am so extremely Thankful to God! 🙏

LadyFlava aka Susan of LadyFlavaNews

Sharing My Heart and Soul