Healing is a Process

I’m so happy that I came back home to Seattle. I’m grateful for my girls…my family. I’m thankful to have someone who loves me and I him for 48 years (my best male friend). The beauty of the water, trees and flowers, skyline and to breathe fresh air…Seattle is so beautiful…I missed the freshness of home.

To embrace feeling valued at a job is heartwarming and makes me want to go to work. At my last job, I was never good enough for the administration but my staff valued me, which I appreciated.

Lessened learned from Vegas never stay where you are not Valued and Appreciated. Never stay where you were never seen as good enough and are put down. And never invest in others who do not invest in you. Never stay where being a Christian is seen as being weak or bougie. Plus I experienced and witnessed racism on a whole different level. I’m grateful to have healthy conversations with people who understand me and I them, without having to defend myself.

I have told people close to me that the memories of Vegas are fading and a sense that I’m really not paying attention to what’s happening there anymore. Please know there are moments in Vegas that I embrace and people who I cherish…not everything was a bad experience.

But…I believe I stayed way longer than I should have…I knew after the first year that Vegas was killing me. Let me say this, and yes some may say this is not a good trait about me…but when I’m done I’m done…I shut down and can act you do not exist. I can forgive and let go of your once upon a time importance you played in my life. A numbness falls over me…So, Vegas is fading into a very distant memory.

I didn’t know what it would feel like to be home, but I knew I wanted and needed to return. I knew I had to heal from my experience of Vegas and I didn’t know what that would look or feel like. I feel that I find my quiet and peace and stay away from acknowledging what I went through. Possible I may need to seek out counseling to work through it or with God’s guidance I will work through it on my own.

Maybe Vegas taught to value home. Maybe Vegas taught me that Seattle is much more open minded than other parts of the country. Maybe Vegas helped me to value the environment that breeds the beauty of its existence.

The old saying of , Home is Where the Heart is…or There’s no Place like Home. I never considered Vegas home, it was where I was living.

So, I’m taking my time and feeling if there is a direction that God wants me to go as Lady Flava. It’s sad that I allowed things to get so bad that Lady Flava died in Vegas. That is something that I believe I mourn. But I do believe that is still a desire in me to be apart of the creative community.

My priority is stepping up for myself. I trust God to guide me through this process.

We know when things aren’t healthy for us and many of us stay to the point where it causes damage to our spirit…It may feel like you have no choice but you do…go inside and have an honest conversation with yourself….and listen, really listen to how you feel. Take action sooner than later, you are worth it.

LadyFlava of LadyFlavaNews

Choosing to share my journey in healing