Saturday A Taste of Flava
🌻 I’m Still Me, but I’m Not the Same 🌻

You know I’m big on understanding my why’s. Why do I do certain things, think certain ways, or react the way I do?

I was thinking about how people will proudly say, “This is who I am. Accept it or kick rocks.” Like they’ve made a lifetime commitment to never change. 🤣

But do any of us really stay the same?

I know the younger me was different from the woman I am today. I grew up a daddy’s girl, and to this day, I’m very proud of that.

Yet the older I get, the more I recognize my mommy in me.

She was quiet. She had a daily rhythm that made sense to her. She woke up early and enjoyed the quiet of the house. Now look at me, up early, enjoying my own quiet moments in my tower.

Some things you don’t recognize until you find yourself living them.

Both of my grandmothers, both of my parents, and both of my brothers have dealt with arthritis. Now I wish I had paid closer attention to my parents as they aged and lived with pain.

I wish I had asked how it made them feel. How they adjusted their days. What they did to keep going. I don’t remember them having all the doctor visits, X-rays, MRIs, and conversations about possible surgeries that have become part of my journey.

Was that a difference between generations? Did they keep more to themselves? Or was I too young and busy living my own life to notice? 🤔

My parents didn’t stay the same through life, either. I wonder how much changed for them that we never talked about.

Yesterday, I was talking with my daughter about how long I lived with arthritis in both knees before having them replaced. Afterward, I lived in the desert and experienced life without that pain.

Then I returned home, and now I’ve spent three and a half years living with arthritis in both hips. My mobility has become restricted. I am living with a disability.

That changes how you move through your day—and how you imagine your future.

My daughter was talking about a car and what I might need when I return to driving.

Girl, I couldn’t even respond.

Right now, when I think about getting into a car or driving, I think about my arthritis. I know what I would need to be comfortable in the body I’m living in today.

But what will I need after I heal?

I haven’t gotten that far in my mind yet.

As I look forward to my first hip surgery on Tuesday, it feels strange to admit that I cannot really imagine what walking without this hip pain might feel like. I remember those days in the desert, but that feeling seems so far away right now.

I’m hopeful. I’m ready. And there is still so much I have yet to experience.

My life will change once again.

Have you ever sat and looked back over your life and realized you are not the same person you used to be?

Maybe your priorities changed. Maybe your body required you to slow down. Maybe you understand something today that you couldn’t understand twenty years ago.

This morning, even my windows gave me something to think about.

At my front window, where I sit to work, I marvel at my bird and squirrel friends. There are trees, movement, and everybody out there handling their business. 🤣

Then I move to the couch in my TV room and look out the south window. Rooftops, open sky, and beautiful golden light.

Same home. Same morning. Two very different views, existing at the same time.

Maybe that’s where I am in life, too. I can still be that daddy’s girl while recognizing my mommy in my daily rhythm. I can be tired of this pain and hopeful about what comes next. I can know who I am and still have room to grow.

I’m still Flava.

And I’m still becoming.

Happy Saturday, Friends. 🌻

From Flava in Her Tower 🌻