Friday’s Real Talk
When Is It Okay to Speak the Truth?

Different things have come up recently that have made me think about this question.

When is it okay to speak the truth?

We live in a world where the cues can be confusing. Be honest. Speak up. Be authentic.

But then… don’t say that. Don’t upset anyone. Don’t speak on what’s happening at your job. Don’t rock the boat in your relationship.

So, which is it?

Once upon a time, I was heavily involved in the independent arts and entertainment industry. Reviewing and critiquing became part of my world. Sometimes my honesty was welcomed. Other times, I was warned to be careful about what I said.

People wanted the exposure. But an honest review? That could be a different conversation.

And that made me think about what people are actually asking for. Do you want my thoughts, or do you want me to agree with you?

Those are two different things.

I came from an era when elders pulled the coattails of the younger generations. They would take you aside and let you know something you might need to hear. We listened, respected what they shared, and pondered the lesson.

We didn’t necessarily like it. We didn’t always agree. But there was room to consider that someone with more life experience might see something we couldn’t see yet.

That doesn’t mean every elder was right. It means correction wasn’t automatically dismissed because it was uncomfortable.

As I talk about frequently, this world is loud. Everybody has something to say, and it can be hard to know when and what is appropriate to express.

I believe there is a way to share your thoughts respectfully. But I also believe we have to be honest with ourselves about what we’re sharing.

Is this something I know? Something I witnessed? Something I feel? Or is it my interpretation of somebody else’s life?

Because my perspective and the whole truth are not always the same thing.

That applies to all of us. Me included.

One thing I’ve taken from communication and sensitivity workshops is to begin with your own experience. “I feel…” “I noticed…” “This is how that affected me…”

That gives us a different starting place than pointing a finger and telling somebody everything that’s wrong with them.

But let’s be real. Putting “I feel” in front of an insult doesn’t suddenly make it respectful. We still have to own the words that follow.

Timing matters, too. So does the setting. Pulling someone aside gives a conversation a different chance than calling them out in front of an audience.

Sometimes it helps to ask, “Are you open to hearing what I think?”

And sometimes the situation needs to be addressed whether the conversation is comfortable or not. A boundary. A concern about someone’s safety. Something happening that is causing harm.

We cannot make keeping the peace everybody’s excuse for keeping quiet.

Whose peace are we protecting if one person has to keep swallowing what hurts them?

At the same time, every thought in our head does not need an announcement. Someone else’s private business is not ours to share just because what we know is true.

I have to ask myself: Am I trying to help? Clear something up? Stand up for myself? Or am I upset and looking to make sure somebody else feels it?

That answer matters.

Personal life, professional life, business connections, family, entertainment… this touches every part of how we deal with one another.

I know there are people who could benefit from an honest conversation. I also know that I have been one of those people.

If I want room to speak, I have to make room to listen. Even when what I hear requires me to take a look at myself.

And yes, someone may still get upset when we speak respectfully. We can take responsibility for our delivery without being able to control their response.

I’m still thinking about where that line is—when to speak, when to wait, and when silence costs too much.

What are your thoughts on speaking the truth? Have you ever said something that needed to be said and paid a price for it? Or stayed quiet and later wished you hadn’t?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Real Talk with Lady Flava 🌻

From Flava in Her Tower 🌻