Friday’s Real Talk
Can We Appreciate the Talent and Leave the Gossip Alone?

I have been going around and around in my mind about this topic.

I admire people who are disciplined in their craft. Their commitment, work ethic, and determination. The time they put into becoming good at what they do, especially the work we never get to see.

I have written about my admiration for athletes, past and present, and I’m not taking those words back.

When I listen to some of them talk about each other, I hear respect. They share stories about competing, challenges they had with one another, and sometimes laugh about things that probably weren’t funny at the time.

There seems to be an understanding of what it took to get there.

I remember watching people from different sports come together after Kobe passed. That expression of admiration and loss stayed with me.

Those are the things I appreciate seeing.

But more and more, I find myself wondering how far we need to go into the personal lives of people in the public eye.

Can we appreciate the talent and leave it there?

Social media has made everybody’s business available for discussion. Gossip magazines have become live broadcasts, videos, and conversations happening around the clock.

Even after somebody dies, people are still digging.

And why?

Because mess gets attention.

Someone can take a piece of a story, pitch it negatively, and leave out whatever might help us understand the whole situation. Then here we come with opinions about people we have never met.

Sometimes I have to ask: What am I supposed to do with this information? Does it help me understand something important? Is someone being protected by it? Or am I just being invited to participate in more negativity?

Now, let me be clear. If someone is harming people or poses a danger to others, that deserves attention. People need room to speak about what happened to them, and credible information should be taken seriously.

Privacy should not be a hiding place for harming others.

But every private struggle, disagreement, or mistake does not automatically need to become public entertainment.

We unknown people make mistakes, too. We have said things we regret. Made choices we wish we could take back. Had moments we would not want replayed for the world to judge.

Being famous doesn’t remove someone’s humanity. And being unknown doesn’t mean we have our lives all together.

I also wonder what success does to a person’s life. Does a certain level of fame introduce pressures, access, and dysfunction they might never have encountered otherwise? Who is around them? Who can tell them the truth? Who benefits from keeping them happy?

I don’t know all those answers. And none of that excuses hurting people. But I think there is more to consider than what fits into a headline.

Then there is my own experience.

I worked with talented artists and entertainers. Some had gifts I truly admired. But after getting to know some of them, I found that I did not like how they treated people—or how they treated me.

And I walked away.

There was an entertainer in Vegas with a beautiful voice. I was at an intimate venue to take pictures and review a show one of his friends was doing.

He approached me, got in my face, and told me I better not take pictures of him or review him.

Why would I? It wasn’t his show.

Then he stepped onto the stage.

At intermission, a colleague and I went outside, and he followed us. He proceeded to tell me about how much money he made and his manager and booking agent.

Again, why would I care?

I experienced that encounter as an attempt to bully me. Whatever point he thought he was making, what he accomplished was making sure I had no interest in attending his performances.

He later caught COVID and passed away. His passing did not change what I had experienced with him.

He had a beautiful voice. I still would not have gone to see him perform.

Both things can be true.

I don’t care how talented you are. If I know you personally and experience behavior that doesn’t sit well with my spirit, I will walk away. Sometimes once is enough.

Your gift does not obligate me to give you my time, money, attention, or promotion.

But that is different from allowing somebody else’s gossip to decide how I feel about you.

I have always considered myself a good read on people in person. With all this noise online, though, it can be hard to decipher what is true, what is incomplete, and what has been shaped to get a reaction.

I’m learning that I don’t need an opinion on every story that comes across my screen.

I would like to appreciate a person’s talent without going past that point unless there is something harmful or unsafe that people need to know.

I don’t need access to your whole life. I don’t need to put you on a pedestal, either.

I can respect the work you put into your craft while understanding that there are parts of you I do not know.

And if information comes forward that changes my decision to support you, I can make that decision thoughtfully.

What I don’t want is to become so entertained by someone else’s downfall that I forget there are real people involved.

So, I’m asking myself—and you:

Are we paying attention because something needs to be addressed?

Or have we gotten comfortable being entertained by somebody else’s mess?

Real Talk with Lady Flava 🌻

From Flava in Her Tower 🌻