Tuesday Real Talk

Single Motherhood… A Journey Few Plan For

I don’t think many little girls grow up dreaming of becoming a single mother.

I know I didn’t.

Like so many young women, I dreamed of falling in love, getting married, raising children together, and growing old with one person.

Life had other plans.

My oldest daughter’s father was my high school boyfriend. We had been together about three years when he left me while I was six months pregnant.

Years later I married my youngest daughter’s father. We were together seven years. Alcoholism and abuse became part of our marriage, and I made the difficult decision to leave when my youngest was two years old and my oldest was nine.

Those weren’t the dreams I had for my life.

Being a mother doesn’t make us perfect.

It simply gives us one of the greatest responsibilities we’ll ever have.

Over the years I’ve crossed paths with many single mothers. Some were family. Some were friends. Some were women I met while serving as a domestic violence and homeless advocate.

Every story was different.

Every woman carried her own pain.

Every woman carried her own hopes.

But one thing seemed to be the same.

They loved their children.

Being a single mother is hard.

Really hard.

You’re trying to raise children, work, pay bills, make good decisions, keep a roof over your family’s head, and somehow still figure out who you are.

Then comes another challenge.

Loneliness.

Most people don’t want to spend the rest of their lives alone.

So eventually many single parents think about dating again.

Now every decision becomes more complicated.

Is this person good for me?

Will they be good to my children?

When do I introduce them?

What happens if the relationship doesn’t work?

If the relationship becomes unhealthy… do I have the strength, support, and resources to leave safely?

Those aren’t easy questions.

I also learned something else.

Children don’t always experience life the same way.

I’ve seen families where one child seemed to do well while another struggled.

Same mother.

Same home.

Different journeys.

There is no perfect formula for raising children.

As mothers, we question ourselves more than anyone will ever know.

Did I make the right decision?

Should I have stayed?

Should I have left sooner?

Could I have done something differently?

Those questions can stay with us for years.

My daughters and I have had difficult conversations over the years about things they experienced growing up. I understand that. They lived their childhood, and I lived motherhood. We each carry our own memories, our own feelings, and our own understanding.

That doesn’t make either of us wrong.

It simply reminds me that children and parents often experience the same life through different eyes.

If there is one thing I would say to a single mother today, it is this…

Give yourself some grace.

You will make mistakes.

Every parent does.

Love your children.

Protect them.

Learn from your mistakes.

Keep growing.

And don’t ever let anyone convince you that because your family didn’t look the way you hoped it would… it couldn’t still be filled with love.

I don’t claim to be an expert.

I’m simply a woman who has lived enough life, raised two daughters, and crossed paths with many incredible women to have what I believe is a reasonable opinion.

Maybe that’s why I have so much compassion for single mothers.

I’ve walked beside them.

I’ve been one.

Blessings from Flava in Her Tower 🌻

A Personal Note to My Daughters…

If you ever read this after I’m gone, I hope you know one thing…

I never stopped loving you.

Not for one day.

I know your childhood wasn’t perfect.

I know there were decisions I made that affected your lives.

Some were good.

Some, if I had the chance to do life over again, I might do differently.

But every decision I made came from one place…

Love.

I wasn’t trying to create a hard life for us.

I was trying to build a better one.

I wasn’t a perfect mother.

I was a mother who loved her daughters with all her heart while trying to find her own way through life.

Thank you for loving me through my imperfections.

I hope one day you remember me not only for the mistakes I made…

But for how deeply I loved you.

Always.

Love,
Mom ❤️