Monday’s Health & Wellness
Sexual Responsibility: What About Tomorrow?

Yesterday, I talked about love, monogamy, and commitment.

Today, I want to talk about sexual responsibility.

Too many people are having sex because they want each other in that moment, without giving enough thought to tomorrow.

The attraction is there. The hormones are moving. They want what they want.

But what happens afterward?

Lust does not tell you whether somebody will be a dependable parent. It does not tell you their sexually transmitted infection status. And it does not mean either person is prepared for what can follow.

How well do you know this person?

Do you even like each other outside of sex?

Have you talked about pregnancy, protection, or getting tested? Or are you hoping none of that becomes an issue?

These are real questions.

A moment can become a lifetime of responsibility

Two people can want each other without wanting a future together.

But if pregnancy is possible and you are having sex without contraception, you are taking a chance on becoming parents together.

Have you thought about what that means?

This person could be connected to your life for years through a child, even after the attraction is gone.

Are they dependable? Are you?

Are both of you willing to provide care, time, money, patience, and consistent love?

Because a child will need those things whether the relationship lasts or not.

The desire was mutual. The responsibility needs to be mutual, too.

I have a problem with adults taking a chance together, then leaving one person to carry the responsibility.

You don’t want the relationship anymore? That can happen.

You still have a child.

Your feelings about the other parent do not erase your responsibility to show up.

And I’m speaking to both people. Pregnancy prevention and parenting should never automatically become one person’s job.

Yes, contraception can fail. Yes, people can plan a family and later separate. But today, I’m addressing the decisions made when pregnancy is possible and neither person has thought seriously about preventing it or raising a child.

“If it happens, it happens.”

Okay. And then what?

A child deserves more preparation than that.

Then there is your sexual health

Pregnancy is not the only possible outcome.

Sexually transmitted infections—STIs, also commonly called STDs—are real.

You cannot look at somebody and know their status.

You cannot know because they seem nice, have a good job, or tell you they don’t sleep around.

Many STIs have no symptoms. A person can have an infection and pass it to someone else without knowing it. Testing matters even when nothing looks or feels wrong. 

And birth control does not answer that concern.

The pill, an IUD, an implant, and most other contraceptive methods prevent pregnancy without protecting against STIs. Condoms can help reduce both risks. 

Preventing pregnancy and preventing an infection are two conversations. Have both.

“I don’t like condoms”

I hear that.

But not liking something does not remove the risk of going without it.

Fit, material, and lubrication can affect comfort. There are options to explore. Water- or silicone-based lubricants are suitable for latex condoms; oil-based products can weaken latex and cause breakage. Latex-free synthetic condoms are available for people with latex allergies. 

If pregnancy is possible and you don’t want a child, make a prevention plan before sex. A healthcare professional can help you choose contraception that fits your health and needs.

And don’t confuse choosing another contraceptive with having STI protection.

Know what protection can—and cannot—do

Condoms work best when used correctly and consistently. Use a new one throughout every sex act, follow the package instructions, and don’t double up. 

They reduce the risk of HIV and several other STIs. They offer less protection against infections that can spread through skin outside the covered area, including herpes, HPV, and syphilis. Lambskin condoms should not be used for STI prevention. 

For pregnancy prevention, external condoms are about 87% effective with typical use over a year. Pills are about 93% effective, and IUDs and implants are over 99% effective. Those numbers describe a year of use—not protection from one encounter. 

No method deserves assumptions. Know what you’re using.

Have the conversation before the clothes come off

When were you last tested?

What were you tested for?

Have you had partners since then?

What protection are we using?

If pregnancy happens, what are we each prepared to do?

And if somebody pressures you to skip protection, pay attention to that.

Access, cost, misinformation, and unequal power in relationships can make prevention difficult. Those barriers deserve practical help. Pressure or interference from a partner also needs to be taken seriously. 

But when you have the information, access, and freedom to choose, use them.

Sexual responsibility includes respecting someone’s boundaries, being honest about known infections and other partners, and getting appropriate care. Ask a healthcare professional which STI tests you need and when. Oral sex can transmit infections, too. 

And grown folks: being past the possibility of pregnancy does not mean you are past this conversation.

I believe we need to take sex seriously enough to think beyond wanting it.

You can want somebody today and discover tomorrow that you don’t even like them.

An infection may still need treatment.

A pregnancy may still need decisions.

A child will still need parents.

That is what I want people to think about before the act.

Happy Monday.

From Flava in Her Tower 🌻