When Someone Else’s Shadow Hit My Light

(Reflections & Growth — by Lady Flava)

It’s a rainy Saturday morning, and I’m sitting by the lake — my quiet spot. The water’s restless today, the kind that mirrors emotion even when you try to sit still. The trees across the way are still hanging on to their color — gold, amber, deep red — reminding me that change always leaves a trace before it lets go.

While getting ready this morning, a video slipped into my feed — Carl Jung talking about shadow projection. Something about it stopped me in my tracks. I didn’t even make it halfway through before I knew: this was it. This was the thing that explained a chapter of my life that once shattered me.

So I sat here, by the water, looking at the sky, and decided to write about it. Not to reopen old wounds, but to name what I’ve already survived.

Shadow projection is when someone can’t face the parts of themselves they’ve buried — the anger, jealousy, insecurity, or shame — so they throw those pieces at everyone else. They accuse, manipulate, and twist the story until their mess becomes your burden.

I know that story too well.

There was a time when someone walked into my world full of personality and confidence — loud, charming, magnetic. They said all the right things, until one day their shine turned sharp. Their words cut. Their actions confused everyone around them. And somehow, I became the problem.

I got written up for things that didn’t happen the way they said. My name — the one I built on hard work and integrity — got dragged through whispers and half-truths. That moment shattered me. I’d given grace, I’d opened my heart, I’d tried to understand them… and they used it to climb higher while stepping on me.

That was my breaking point. I had to fight to rebuild trust. I had to prove my worth all over again. But what hurt most wasn’t the paperwork or the gossip — it was realizing that someone else’s darkness had taken aim at my light, and for a minute, it dimmed me.

But I’m not that woman anymore.

I learned to recognize projection when it walks in wearing a smile. I learned that sometimes the person who hurts you is battling demons you didn’t create — and you can’t save them from themselves.

Understanding Jung’s idea of the shadow helped me heal. It gave me language for what I went through. And it reminded me that surviving that kind of betrayal doesn’t make me bitter — it makes me aware.

Because when you’ve had your name tarnished and still stand tall… that’s called reclaiming your light. 🌻

 

Shadow Projectors by Carl Jung

Shadow projection, a concept from Carl Jung’s psychology, is the unconscious act of attributing one’s own disowned, repressed, or unknown traits—both negative and positive—onto other people. This happens because we project what we dislike or are ashamed of in ourselves onto others, seeing our own “darkness” in them, which can lead to conflicts and distorted perceptions. For example, a person who is deeply critical of their own unacknowledged greed might see greed in everyone else. 

What is the “shadow”? 

• The shadow is the unconscious part of the personality containing traits that are suppressed because they are considered undesirable or unacceptable by the individual and society. 

• It can include normal instincts, emotions like anger, or creative impulses that have been hidden away. 

• While often viewed as negative, the shadow can also contain unrealized positive qualities, such as a person’s potential for great assertiveness or creativity. 

How does projection work? 

• When we don’t acknowledge these traits within ourselves, they are cast out and projected onto others. 

• This can manifest as disproportionate anger, judgment, or fascination with a person who displays the very traits we have disowned. 

• For example, if you’ve suppressed your own anger, you might become irrationally angry at others for being aggressive. 

• Individuation: The process of bringing the shadow into conscious awareness, known as shadow work, is a key part of Jung’s theory of individuation. By acknowledging and integrating these disowned parts, we can reduce their destructive potential and move toward a more complete and whole personality. 

How shadow projection creates conflict 

• When we project our shadow, we are essentially engaging in a form of self-deception, believing that the negative traits belong to someone else entirely. 

• This can lead to cycles of misunderstanding and conflict in relationships, as we react to the “image” we have projected onto another person, rather than to their true self. 

• The more we repress our shadow, the more power it has to control our perceptions and actions, leading us to repeat the same patterns in our relationships. 

Example 

• Jung observed a seemingly pious minister whose negativity was projected onto his wife, who was perceived as the source of all problems, though the minister himself was not aware of his own negative traits. 

• Similarly, someone might repeatedly find themselves attracted to or annoyed by the same type of person in relationships because their shadow is being projected onto that individual