Your Choices May Block Opportunities

Monday Real Talk

I saw a few videos recently that really made me stop and think.

One young person was upset because they were not being hired because of facial piercings.

Another person had been hired and was upset because nobody asked what their pronouns were.

And I sat there thinking…

Life really has changed.

Not necessarily all bad.

Not necessarily all good.

Just changed.

There was a time when you could have trouble getting a job if you had tattoos showing.

Now visible tattoos are much more accepted in many workplaces.

Within reason, nobody may even pay attention to them anymore.

But face tattoos?

A lot of facial piercings?

That can still be a whole different story depending on the job.

And this is where I think something very important gets lost in some of these conversations.

You have every right to make your own choices.

But your choices may block opportunities.

And you need to be ready for that.

If you are okay with the possibility that a certain appearance, lifestyle choice, behavior, or decision may close some doors for you, then stand in your choice.

Own it.

Be good with it.

But if losing certain opportunities is going to devastate you later, maybe you need to think twice before making a choice that could affect those opportunities.

That is not somebody controlling you.

That is thinking ahead.

I was raised differently when it came to work.

When you accepted a job, your personal business stayed at home and work stayed at work.

That did not mean you didn’t have problems.

Believe me, people had problems.

I was a single mother.

I got my children up.

Got them to childcare.

Got myself to work.

I had an abusive husband during part of my life.

And I still went to work.

If I went dancing on a Friday night and had to be at work at 7:00 Saturday morning?

I was at work.

That is how I was raised.

You had responsibilities.

You handled them.

I am not saying everybody should have to suffer quietly.

I am not saying mental health does not matter.

I am not saying people should never need time off or support.

I am saying that somewhere along the way, I think understanding started getting mixed up with removing accountability.

There is a difference.

You can be going through something and still understand that people are depending on you.

You can need support and still understand that you accepted a responsibility.

You can be your authentic self and still understand that every space you walk into is not going to revolve around your personal life.

That businessman I heard recently said something that made sense to me.

His point was basically:

I don’t care what you identify as or what your personal business is. I care whether you do a good job in the position you were hired to do.

I understood exactly what he meant.

He was not saying people do not deserve respect.

He was saying:

We are here to work.

And I get that.

I also think about names.

Why can’t somebody’s name mean more?

Learn my name.

I will learn yours.

If there is something specific you want me to know, tell me.

I can respect you.

You can respect me.

And we can keep moving.

Everything does not have to become a major discussion.

I have had to learn things too.

I once apologized to someone because I referred to them in a way that did not fit how they identify.

They thanked me for acknowledging it.

That was it.

I made a mistake.

I acknowledged it.

We moved forward.

That is how human interaction can work.

It does not always have to become a battle.

And I think this is part of what I struggle with when I look at some younger workers today.

There can be a lot of personal sharing.

A lot of explanations.

A lot of identity conversations.

A lot of reasons why something could not happen.

And I come from a mindset of:

Okay. I hear you. But what are we going to do about the work?

Because your coworkers have lives too.

They have problems too.

They have things happening at home too.

And when one person continually cannot show up, somebody else usually has to pick up what was left behind.

That matters.

Life choices matter.

Work choices matter.

How you present yourself matters.

Who you choose to become matters.

Not because everybody has to approve of you.

They don’t.

But adulthood means understanding that not every choice opens every door.

Sometimes you choose one thing and lose access to something else.

That happens in life.

You can spend money today and not have it tomorrow.

You can stay up all night and be exhausted the next morning.

You can say something hurtful and damage a relationship.

You can choose a certain appearance and discover that some employers are not interested in that presentation.

Every choice has the potential to lead somewhere.

That is why thinking ahead matters.

Before you make a permanent or highly visible decision, ask yourself:

What kind of life do I want?

What kind of career do I want?

What opportunities might I want later?

Could this choice interfere with them?

And if it does, am I really okay with that?

If you are?

Then do you.

Stand tall in your choice.

But if you are going to be shocked, angry, or brokenhearted when a door closes later, maybe that is something to think about before you make the decision.

You cannot always say:

This is my choice.

And then be completely unprepared when somebody else makes a choice too.

An employer gets to choose who fits their workplace.

A customer gets to choose where they spend their money.

A person gets to choose who they date.

A business gets to decide how it wants to be represented.

And you get to choose who you want to be.

That is life.

Freedom goes both ways.

I think we have become very focused on telling people:

You can do whatever you want.

Maybe we need to add something to that sentence.

You can do what you want, but be prepared for what may come with it.

That does not mean live scared.

It means live aware.

Think beyond today.

Think about the person you are becoming.

Think about where you want your life to go.

Then make your choices with your eyes open.

Because your life belongs to you.

So do your choices.

And sometimes…

So do the consequences.

Monday Real Talk.

From Flava in Her Tower 🌻