Friday Real Talk

Learn to Read Between the Words

As I get older, I am learning more and more that just because people are speaking English does not mean they are communicating clearly.

Sometimes the words make sense, but the message does not.

Sometimes people start in the middle of the story and assume you know the beginning.

Sometimes they are talking about three different concerns at the same time and don’t realize it.

Sometimes they know exactly what they mean but struggle to explain it in a way that others can understand.

I have found that many misunderstandings happen not because people are trying to be difficult, but because there is a disconnect between what is being said and what is being heard.

The older I get, the more I realize the importance of slowing down.

Instead of immediately responding, I try to repeat back what I think I heard.

“Let me make sure I understand.”

“So what you’re saying is…”

“If I am hearing you correctly…”

Something interesting happens when you do that. The other person will either agree with your understanding or correct it. Both outcomes are valuable.

Sometimes they say, “Yes, that’s exactly what I mean.”

Other times they stop and say, “No, that’s not what I was trying to say.”

Either way, you are getting closer to the truth.

Listening is more than hearing words. It is listening for meaning.

It is paying attention to what is said, what is left unsaid, and what may be hiding underneath the conversation.

A person’s tone may tell a different story than their words.

Their body language may reveal uncertainty.

Their silence may speak louder than their explanation.

Many of us listen while preparing our response. We are waiting for our turn to talk rather than trying to understand.

Real listening requires patience.

It requires us to stop rehearsing our answer and become curious about what the other person is trying to communicate.

Research even suggests that the most effective conversations happen when we spend more time listening than speaking. One study found that successful communicators spend about 57% of the conversation listening and only 43% talking.

That makes sense to me.

The more we listen, the more we learn.

The more we understand, the less we assume.

And the less we assume, the fewer misunderstandings we create.

These days, I am finding that one of the most powerful phrases in any conversation is:

“Let me make sure I understand what you’re saying.”

Those simple words can change everything.

Sometimes the greatest gift we can give another person is not our opinion.

It is our willingness to truly listen.

~ Lady Flava 🌻