Thursday Real Talk

Be Who You Are—and Let Other People Be Who They Are

Disclaimer: This is my personal opinion based on my own life experiences. I am not telling anyone how they should identify. I am talking about respect, intention, and allowing people to be human.

This morning, I spoke with a Navy seaman on the phone.

Throughout the conversation, he called me “ma’am.”

I liked it.

He was not questioning who I was. He was not trying to make a statement. He was speaking to me with the respect that had been taught to him through his military training.

To me, “ma’am” feels respectful.

I am female. I am a woman. I do not want to be asked what my pronouns are because, to me, that question feels like something about me is being questioned that I have never questioned about myself.

I understand that other people feel differently.

I work with someone who identifies differently, and I respect that person’s right to be who they are. There may be times when someone uses the wrong word or title out of habit. There may be times when someone does not know. There may also be situations, like a brief phone call, when a person chooses to recognize the respectful intention and simply continues with the conversation.

Not every mistake is an attack.

Not every incorrect word is meant to cause harm.

Sometimes, people are speaking from their age, culture, upbringing, profession, or what they believe they see.

I am Japanese and German. I know that many people look at me and assume I am white.

There was a time when that assumption offended me because I felt like part of who I am was being overlooked.

It does not offend me anymore.

People do not know my family history by looking at me. They do not know how I was raised, the community that shaped me, or the Japanese heritage that lives inside my family.

Their assumption does not change who I am.

I know who I am.

That is where I believe some of our peace has to come from.

Be who you are.

Allow other people to be who they are.

If someone intentionally disrespects you, that is a different conversation. But if someone makes an honest mistake, uses a traditional title out of respect, or does not immediately understand how you identify, perhaps there can be room for grace.

We are living in a time when people want their identity respected. I understand that.

But respect has to move in both directions.

People should make a sincere effort to address others properly. At the same time, we should recognize that not every person who gets it wrong is trying to hurt us.

Sometimes, “ma’am” is simply a Navy seaman showing respect to the woman helping him on the telephone.

I received it exactly that way.

Real Talk with Lady Flava 🌻

Real Talk. Real Life. My Flava.