Wednesday Real Talk

You Don’t Have to Get Loud to Be Heard

Let me say this clearly.

When you argue and get loud, most of the time no one is listening.

They’re waiting for their turn to respond.

They’re defending.

They’re escalating.

They’re shutting down.

Nothing gets resolved.

Volume does not equal power.

There are so many reasons to stay calm.

Health.

When you yell, your blood pressure rises. Your muscles tighten. Your nervous system shifts into fight mode. You may feel strong in the moment, but your body pays for it later.

Spirit.

Anger leaves residue. Even if you “win” the argument, you don’t feel clean afterward. Your peace gets disturbed. Your center shifts.

Relational.

When two people are loud, they are not hearing each other. They are colliding. And collision rarely builds anything healthy.

Now let’s define conflict resolution.

Conflict resolution is the ability to address disagreement in a way that leads to understanding, accountability, and forward movement.

It is not about winning.

It is not about overpowering someone.

It is not about who argues better.

It requires:

• Emotional regulation

• Clear communication

• Active listening

• Respect

• A willingness to change behavior

Anger solves nothing.

You should want to be heard.

But you should also want to listen.

Real resolution happens when both people feel seen — not defeated.

And here’s the part we need to understand as adults:

If we don’t model healthy conflict resolution, our children will learn chaos instead of communication.

They are watching how we argue.

They are watching how we repair.

They are watching how we regulate.

We cannot demand maturity from them if we don’t demonstrate it ourselves.

We have to understand this as adults — and we have to teach it.

Calm doesn’t mean weak.

Calm means controlled.

Calm means I value my health, my spirit, and my relationships enough not to let emotion run the room.

If something matters, speak it.

If trust is broken, say it.

But say it in a way that can actually be heard.

That’s grown.

— Lady Flava

“Calm communication builds what anger destroys.”