Preparing for Your Senior Years

The Conversations We Should Be Having in Our 50s

Chapter 9: Learning to Advocate for Yourself

There was a time when many of us believed that if a doctor said something, we were not supposed to question it.

We listened, nodded our heads, took the prescription, and went home—sometimes without fully understanding what had been said.

As we prepare for our senior years, that way of thinking has to change.

Medical offices are busy. Doctors have limited time. Healthcare systems can be complicated, and information does not always travel from one department to another as smoothly as we might expect.

That is why learning to advocate for yourself is so important.

Advocating for yourself does not mean being rude, demanding, or disrespectful. It means understanding that you are an active participant in your healthcare.

This is your body.
This is your health.
This is your life.

You have the right to ask questions, request clarification, and speak honestly about what you are experiencing.

Speak Clearly About What You Are Experiencing

When you meet with a healthcare provider, explain what is happening as clearly as possible.

Do not simply say, “I hurt.”

Try to describe:

• Where you are hurting.
• When the pain began.
• Whether it is constant or comes and goes.
• What makes it better or worse.
• Whether it affects your sleep.
• Whether it affects your ability to walk, stand, work, cook, bathe, dress, drive, or use the bathroom.
• Whether your symptoms have changed.

Sometimes pain is not the only problem.

You may be dealing with weakness, balance problems, numbness, swelling, bladder changes, memory concerns, fatigue, or difficulty completing everyday activities.

Tell the full story.

A pain scale may tell the doctor how badly you hurt, but it does not always explain how the condition is affecting your life.

Saying, “My pain is a seven,” provides one piece of information.

Saying, “I cannot stand long enough to prepare a meal,” gives the doctor a clearer picture of what that pain is doing to you.

Ask Questions Until You Understand

You do not have to pretend that you understand medical language when you do not.

Ask:

• What does this diagnosis mean?
• What may have caused it?
• What are my treatment options?
• What are the possible benefits and risks?
• What should I expect from this treatment?
• How long might it take before I notice improvement?
• What should I do if my symptoms become worse?
• Who should I contact if I have questions?
• When should I follow up?

If the explanation is still unclear, ask the provider to explain it differently.

There is no shame in saying:

“I do not understand.”

“Can you explain that in plain language?”

“Can you show me?”

“Can you write that down for me?”

“Is there a video I can watch?”

We do not all learn and process information in the same way. Some people understand written instructions. Others need to see something demonstrated. Some may need to hear the information more than once.

Knowing how you learn is also part of advocating for yourself.

Be Prepared Before You Call the Clinic

Advocacy begins before you make the telephone call.

The clearer you are with your information, the easier it will be for clinic staff to identify the proper team member to help you.

Before calling, make sure you:

• Know your doctor’s name.
• Know the name of the doctor who referred you.
• Know your diagnosis, if one has been given.
• Know the specific reason you are calling.
• Have your questions written down so you do not forget them.
• Keep a pen and paper nearby to take notes.

Do not assume the person answering the telephone already knows your medical history or why you need help.

They may support several doctors, specialties, and clinical teams. Giving accurate information can help prevent delays, unnecessary transfers, and messages being sent to the wrong department.

Instead of saying, “Someone called me,” explain:

“My name is ________. I am a patient of Dr. ________. I was referred by Dr. ________ for ________. I am returning a call regarding ________.”

That information gives the person answering the telephone somewhere to begin.

Save Important Telephone Numbers

Program your doctor’s and clinic’s telephone numbers into your phone.

When the clinic returns your call, the number may appear under your doctor’s or clinic’s name instead of showing up as an unfamiliar number.

Clinics sometimes call from different telephone numbers, so this is not guaranteed. However, saving the numbers you know may help you recognize an important return call and answer it.

You may also want to save numbers for:

• Your pharmacy.
• Your insurance company.
• Your preferred hospital.
• Your emergency contact.
• Your medical equipment provider.
• Transportation services you may use.
• Trusted family members or friends who help with your care.

Preparing this information before you urgently need it can save time and reduce stress.

Write Things Down

It can be difficult to remember everything discussed during a medical appointment—especially when you are in pain, worried, tired, or receiving new information.

Bring a notebook or keep a healthcare binder.

Write down:

• Your current medications.
• Your diagnoses.
• Your allergies.
• Your doctors’ names and specialties.
• Previous procedures and the dates they occurred.
• Questions you want to ask.
• Answers you receive.
• Changes in your symptoms.
• Treatment instructions.
• Follow-up plans.

If you use an online patient portal, review the visit notes afterward. Make sure you understand the plan and check whether referrals, tests, or follow-up appointments were ordered.

If something important is missing or incorrect, contact the clinic and ask about it.

Documentation helps you remember what happened and gives you information to refer to when you speak with another healthcare provider.

Bring Someone You Trust

There may be times when you should not attend an important appointment alone.

Bring a trusted family member, friend, or support person when:

• You are discussing a serious diagnosis.
• You are considering surgery.
• You are having difficulty remembering information.
• You feel overwhelmed.
• You have mobility concerns.
• You need someone to help ask questions or take notes.

Before the appointment, tell your support person what you need from them.

You may want them to listen quietly, take notes, ask questions you forget, or help explain how your condition affects you at home.

A support person should help strengthen your voice—not speak over you or take control of the appointment.

Speak Up When Something Does Not Feel Right

Doctors and medical professionals have education, training, and experience. Their knowledge matters.

Your knowledge of your daily experience matters too.

If a recommendation does not make sense to you, ask questions.

If a medication causes a concerning reaction, report it.

If your symptoms are becoming worse, do not minimize them.

If you feel that an important concern was not addressed, bring it up again.

If necessary, request another appointment or seek a second opinion.

You are not being difficult because you need more information. You are not complaining because you are describing how your symptoms affect your life.

You are advocating for yourself.

Be Respectful, but Do Not Become Invisible

There is a difference between being respectful and becoming silent.

You can be kind and still be direct.

You can appreciate your medical team and still ask questions.

You can trust your doctor and still request a second opinion.

You can follow medical guidance and still report that a treatment is not helping.

You can say:

“I understand the recommendation, but I still have concerns.”

“This treatment helped one part of the problem, but I am still experiencing other symptoms.”

“My pain has improved, but I am still having difficulty walking.”

“I need help understanding what happens next.”

Clear communication helps your healthcare team understand what you need.

Advocacy Extends Beyond the Doctor’s Office

Learning to advocate for yourself also matters when dealing with:

• Insurance companies.
• Pharmacies.
• Employers.
• Workplace accommodations.
• Transportation services.
• Home healthcare agencies.
• Rehabilitation facilities.
• Medical equipment providers.
• Assisted-living communities.

Ask for decisions and instructions in writing.

Keep copies of forms, letters, messages, and approvals.

Write down the name of the person you spoke with, the date of the conversation, and what you were told.

If you are told no, ask why.

If there is an appeal process, ask how it works.

A title, uniform, policy, or complicated system should not intimidate you into giving up when you still need information or assistance.

Practice Before You Are in a Crisis

The time to begin advocating for yourself is not when you are already in the middle of a medical crisis.

Practice now.

Learn the names of your doctors.

Understand your diagnoses.

Keep an updated medication list.

Use your patient portal.

Save important telephone numbers.

Ask questions.

Take notes.

Build relationships with people you trust.

Decide who may speak on your behalf if you are temporarily unable to speak for yourself.

The more comfortable you become using your voice now, the more prepared you will be if your healthcare needs become more complicated later.

Final Thoughts

Being prepared is not about knowing everything.

It is about clearly sharing what you do know, asking about what you do not understand, and continuing to speak until your concerns are heard.

As we grow older, we may need more help navigating appointments, medications, diagnoses, insurance, and everyday decisions.

That does not make us powerless.

Our voices still matter.

Learning to advocate for yourself is one of the most important skills you can carry into your senior years.

Speak clearly.

Ask questions.

Keep records.

Bring support when you need it.

And never be afraid to say:

“I need you to help me understand.”

Lady Flava Wellness 🌻