☕ Sunday – A Sip of Flava

Today I sit looking out my tower window, Cowboy coffee in hand.

It’s bright. It’s cold. It’s quiet.

But my mind?

It’s not quiet at all.

Tomorrow I physically return to clinic.

And even typing that feels big.

For months I’ve controlled my environment.

The temperature just right.

Soft clothes. No shoes.

Move when I need to. Sit when I need to.

Now I’m thinking…

What will I wear?

Will my body tolerate getting fully dressed again?

Shoes. Layers. Structure.

I’ve missed dressing for work. I really have.

But missing it and physically doing it are two different things.

Then comes the next decision — how do I get there?

Do I drive Poopsie?

Navigate parking. Hope for a closer spot.

Front entrance with the elevator?

Side entrance with the stairs?

Or take the bus…

Easy route. One transfer.

But I haven’t gotten on and off a bus in over a year.

Going out for my grandbaby’s birthday was my first time leaving the house in 2½ months.

I’m glad I went.

But stepping up curbs…

Getting in and out of the car…

That was real.

So I know tomorrow will come with challenges.

No matter what option I choose.

In my mind, I’m giving myself two weeks.

Two weeks to test my body.

Two weeks to observe how it handles logistics.

Two weeks to feel what it’s like to be physically back in clinic.

Not emotionally.

Physically.

And here’s the part that surprised me…

I have accepted that I am mobility disabled.

Saying that doesn’t feel heavy anymore.

It feels honest.

And honesty is freeing.

I built a work-from-home setup that allows me to be effective, professional, and valuable.

That matters.

At the end of these two weeks, I see my doctor.

And depending on what my body tells me — not my pride — I may ask for permanent work-from-home support due to my disability.

There’s no drama in this.

Just truth.

So this Sunday, I sip slowly.

I let the thoughts move through.

I don’t panic.

I don’t catastrophize.

I just sit.

And think.

And breathe.

Because tomorrow will come whether I spin or stay still.

And I’m choosing steady.

— Lady Flava 🌻