It’s time to heal…
Moving to Vegas has been a whole new experience for me. In the beginning, there was such a great sense of excitement and belief that I would come, fit in and embark on a life as Lady Flava, “The Artist Cheerleader.” And in some ways that happened but soon I fell into the reality of the struggle that Black Entertainment faces to exist and my soul took it on.
As a child I knew that I was different in some ways and I cared deeply for others, animals and nature. Some of my favorite memories of my childhood was going camping and fishing with my family. I loved the outdoors. As an adult, I loved getting in my car to take long drives to nowhere or somewhere…just to be out in the open as I listened to my music and let God take me away. Growing up and living 57 years of my life in Seattle, I took for granted being surrounded by water and snow capped mountains. I could get in the car and within 10 minutes be next to the water, which I found myself doing more and more as I got older. The water, nature and being out amongst the beauty of the Pacific Northwest, I was able to refuel my soul.
May 2016 I embarked on a new life, taking my desire to take my support of creative soulz to a new level by moving to the Entertainment Capital of The World, Las Vegas, NV. Now in December of 2019, I feel like my spirit is broken and my passion is non-existent. What happened?
What happened…Is being an Empath happened. I have spent months trying to understand the difference between being an Empath in Seattle vs an Empath in Vegas, with conversations with my people back home that are so insightful. Because Seattle is home, it started with my family, my parents kept a quiet and respectful home. There was just an understanding from a young child, on how were were to speak to each other and especially adults. Going outside my doors it was pretty much the same with my neighbors with some variations but on a whole the same. As I grew up in what was the Black Community of Seattle, The Central Area which bordered Capitol Hill, life was full of diversity but I didn’t really understand it until I aged because it was my life and I knew no different.
Church, community, freedom to be a kid as we played outside, road bikes and took the bus with very little worries. We all had a curfew and most of us attended church every Sunday. Like I said, different but similar. And it continued that way into my adulthood, choosing to stay amongst people that had the same mindset. Of course I had relationships that did not work out, as most people do but even in that there were some core similarities in morals and values. This was my life, the life I knew and was comfortable with.
Now I’m in a new world, and amongst surviving mindsets, great talents striving to have more, and do more. I talk about the hustle of Vegas and it is a hustle, a hustle to simply survive living, and for the entertainers, it’s surviving to stay relevant as they age and to be seen. It’s hard to tell who really wants to get to know you as a person, and appreciate who you are just as a human being or is it more about what you can do for them…It feels more like what can you do for them. Do you have a skill that they can benefit from or will you come to admire them and become a fan, and either way it can be exciting for some and draining for others. Is it perspective or sense of value, that’s on the individual I suppose.
Here’s where being an Empath kicks in, I want to help but at the same time I can feel a person and their intention, or how they are living their life without being told. I’m a good listener and listen to the choice of words along with tones and even a person’s body language to really understand the essence of what is being told to me. Many times things are disclosed due to the need to share and the need to have someone care enough to do…do whatever they can to help with this person’s world.
Empaths are good at feeling a person’s emotions and need, and if were are drawn in, we will do what we can to help make someone else’s world be better, or work smoother…even if that means at our own expense.
I’ve met some great great talents in Vegas who are so deserving of next level opportunity and these opportunities seem that they are just nonexistent here in Vegas, which there should be so much more. I jumped on board with some to be a supportive team member and to be able to show my talents and my value as I realized that I needed to brand myself in Vegas, so it was time to show and prove. That was fine in the beginning and then the craziness started to come out and trying to understand what I was experiencing or witnessing was overwhelming. When sharing my thoughts it was naming calling of being weak, in my feelings, emotional, sensitive and on and on. You may not see this as a big deal but over time whenever I spoke up about something, it was cut down with those simple phrases…when I witness others handle frustrations in a harsher way and it’s acceptable. But because I stay calm and don’t curse and may even shed a tear when I’m frustrated or hurt…that there is being weak.
Oh, I failed to mention that shortly after I arrived in Vegas I started work as a caregiver and still do to this day…I work in a variety of places from hospital setting to, homecare and support to entertainers. Doing this work means multiple personalities. emotions, circumstances and I have gone months of caring for someone else’s needs over my own. Can I say emotional, mental, physical and spiritual burnout…big time. Some of it I did to make the money and some of it I did because I sincerely cared about who I was taking care of. But it took a serious toll on me and relationships started to and are falling apart.
As an Empath, I love my solitude and dedicate time in prayer and meditation every morning and every night, but it got to the point that I felt no peace ending my nights or beginning my days…I was drained all the time. I tried to let people close to me know that I was in trouble, but they were so wrapped up in there own worlds or just didn’t know what to say or do…but simply said, “stop it,” “you know better””your working too much”…yes, all of this is true and then what…how do I fix myself. I have the intellect and understanding of what I am dealing with but how to stop the madness within my being, that’s the challenge. Well, I need money to survive, I need money to build my dream, I need to work when there is work, because at times I don’t have much work…So, I have to work and the wages in Vegas are so low, that I feel I have to work triple to maintain and to save.
And now I’m at burnout stage, stepping back in my solitude and quiet, trying to make sense of what I have experienced and striving to heal and get back to my passion and purpose as “The Artist’s Cheerleader.” I just want to get back to peace within myself and to find a sense of joy in the despair of living in Vegas…I hope to one day feel like I am not just surviving but thriving in a fulfilling life.
December is my month to regain control and revisit my direction on how I will achieve my goals. I lost sight of myself amongst the craziness and now it’s time to get me back and learn to set boundaries so that other people’s stuff doesn’t effect me to my core. Plus, I can’t work every single day taking care of other people’s needs….so, I need to work smarter, not harder.
Lady Flava of Lady Flava News…Taking Me Back
I’M COMING BACK INTO THE LIGHT…GOD NEVER LET GO OF MY HAND AND I NEVER LET GO OF HIS…
Blessings. Lady Flava
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